Thankful Date

My husband and I went on a date mini-golfing.  It was a lot of fun and it brought out our competitive side, which was also funny and entertaining.  (I, of course, won.)  Afterwards, we went to our local thrift store (Goodwill) and picked out outfits for each other to try on.  This was also fun and got a bit silly.  It's a cheap date and will allow you do explore a bunch of different aspects of your relationship.

Relationship reconnection:  During the date, take the time to thank your spouse as many times as you can.  We all love being told thank you for the things that we do or how people are grateful for us.  It makes both you and your spouse feel better and it adds an appreciative depth to your relationship.

Happy dating!

Painting Pottery

One thing that I've always wanted to do is go paint my own pottery with my husband.  We don't have Color Me Mine here, but there are a few places around Northeast Wisconsin to do that.  

One place is in Oshkosh called Fire Escape (http://www.fireescapeart.com/).

Another one in Appleton called The Fire (http://thefireartstudio.com/).

The Clay House (http://www.clayhouseonline.com/index.html) is in Weston.

Clay Corner Studio (http://claycornerstudio6.wix.com/clay-corner-1) is located in Wausau.

I also think that this allows you to express yourself in a different way.  Maybe you make a bowl for the house or a pitcher to use.  You can use your favorite colors together or patterns together on the same piece.

Relationship reconnection:  I'm not the greatest artist, but I know that this will allow my husband to see me in a way that he might not have before.  It gives one the chance to be vulnerable and humble.  That can deepen the relationship and add a whole new aspect to it.

Happy dating!

Spouse Date

The title seems a little redundant, huh?  Well, with this, I want you to plan a date specifically with your spouse in mind.  Plan a whole date that revolves around what the other person loves.  If your spouse loves baseball, go to the batting cages.  If they love custard, go to Culvers.  You get the idea.  It can be as expensive or cheap as you would like it to be.

I've done this with my spouse before and I can tell that he feels especially understood and special.  I tried to focus entirely on him, asking him about the latest game or going to his favorite restaurant for dinner.

Relationship reconnection:  Not only do you get to know your spouse better, but it makes your relationship interdependent.  It meshes you together and a lot of the time, you learn to love what your spouse loves, too.  An interdependent long-term relationship means that sometimes you will need to give up your own needs for the common good of the relationship.  However, I do think this is a good sacrifice because it makes your spouse really happy to know that you are taking an interest in what they do.

Happy dating!

Love Languages

Have you ever struggled to connect with your spouse?  Please tell me I'm not the only one.  Sometimes, the communication is just off.  But, are you speaking the right language?

Gary Chapman wrote a book about the 5 Love Languages.  On his website, there is a quiz that you can take to determine what your love language is.  The languages are gifts, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, and physical touch.

Here's the website to take the quiz at:  http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

My husband and I did this and it was really fun.  I learned a lot about my own spouse and it was fun to "speak" his language.  It added deeply to our relationship and broke barriers for us.

Goals and Dreams

How important are your goals and dreams?  What about your spouse's?  Do you know what each other's are?  In this date, ask your spouse what their dreams and goals are.  Discuss yours as well.  Then, discuss what your goals and dreams are as a couple.  If your dreams and goals conflict, don't be discouraged.  Focus on what your spouse is saying and discuss it with openness.  This also gives you a chance to find the best of both worlds and include those things that are important to both of you.  Make some long term and short term goals together.

These goals can really be about anything.  When my husband and I were first married, we each drew a picture of our dream house.  Granted that was (and is still) a long ways off, it was fun to see what each other valued and wanted in a house.  This can be fun, serious, or a little of both.  Also, make sure you write these goals down.  That way if you want to come back and reevaluate them in a few years or months, you know what those goals are.  Keep them in a place where you can look at them and remember the goals you made.

Relationship reconnection:  Couples need to open up about what they consider the significance and purpose of their life together.  This will bring you closer together as a couple.  It also gives you as a couple a direction to go in.  The best part is that it's a direction that you choose.  Use these goals as a standards for the choices that you make in life.  This will deepen your commitment to you marriage and to one another.

Happy dating!

Holiday Dates

I love holidays.  It's days like today that make me so grateful for the amazing country that I live in.  Memorial Day is wonderful because it reminds of us the fact that we are free because of the selfless service that comes from amazing men and women.  This is the perfect opportunity to do a service date.  Pick any act of service that you want.  Pick one that relates to the nearest holiday or your favorite holiday.  My husband and I chose to rake the sticks and pine cones at my grandmother's house.  Her significant other just died not too long ago, so she's been quite lonely.  Not only did we get a chance to serve by raking, but we also served by visiting.

Relationship reconnection:  I believe that service connects people in a way that wouldn't be done in any other way.  During this date, make an effort to rely on each other.  I relied on my husband to rake certain parts so that I wouldn't have to do it all myself.  When you pick up piles, you need someone to assist you with their rake.  If you are helping move things, have your spouse help you lift things.  It sounds super simple, but the knowledge that you can rely on your spouse will trickle into your relationship and strengthen it.

Happy dating!

Marriage Advice

One of the joys of being married is advice that you give and receive.  I know that when I first got married, I loved hearing the advice that married couples would give.  I also remember being "seasoned" after a few years and loved giving engaged couples advice.

This date was inspired by my cousin and his fiance.  We had them over for dinner and a campfire earlier this week.  It was so much fun seeing them in the engaged stage.  I know that there are a lot of things that I wish I would have known before I got married.  This date allows you to receive advice, give advice...or possibly both.

Find a couple that you and your spouse admire.  Ask to have a double date with them.  During this date, pick the minds of this couple.  Ask them for advice.  What has worked in their marriage and what hasn't.  I really think this is a great way to take a glimpse of the future.  Pick their brains for answers to questions you may have or things you wonder about.

You could also flip the scenario and be the married couple.  Invite an engaged or newly married couple over and just talk about marriage.  Discuss your successes and failures.  Share your knowledge and experiences.

Relationship Reconnection:  Discuss which piece of advice stood out to you the most and why.  What things would you want to implement into your own marriage?  Or, if you're the married couple giving advice, think about and discuss which piece of advice you think has been the most successful in your own marriage.

(By the way, I came across this video about bad marriage advice which was humorous, but also true.  Check it out:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PeHp9ZMmDpo)

Happy dating!

Blast to the Past

I love this date because it can be as fancy or as cheap as you would like.  The 3rd of this month marked 5 years since I returned home from a mission trip for my church.  A huge part of this was the fact that I worked with the Latino culture.  I fell in love with the people, the language, and especially the food!

Do you know how hard it is to find authentic Mexican food?  I feel like the only place to get the good stuff is from the kitchen of someone who is from Mexico or whose mentor was from there.  However, I did find a local restaurant called El Tequila in the town over that has great Mexican food.  In honor of this anniversary, I took my husband to eat there with the purpose of talking about this trip and the impact that it made on my life.  Not only did we have great conversation, but we had food that was excelente!

Relationship reconnection:  Take this time to ask your spouse different questions that really dig deep into this experience.  Ask questions like "What specifically made the biggest difference in your life?" or "What was a funny experience that you remember?"  Something thought provoking that will show your spouse that you are interested.  It shows that you love them and gives you an opportunity to practice listening skills.  Besides people love being asked questions.

Happy dating!

Wildlife Sanctuary

Don't you love the bald eagle?  They are beautiful and majestic!  We saw these guys today.  I love days like today.  My family had a busy day and we were off doing a lot of things.  However, my husband and I did take some time for a date.  Between our schedules, we don't find as much time as I would like to.  However, because we were busy most of the day (together!), we weren't really plugged in.  Our phones were away most of the day and we were away from the internet and all things technology.  I feel like I "reboot" on these days.  And what a great time to connect as a couple.

Anyways, in Green Bay, they have a wildlife sanctuary.  It's a free place where you can go and look at different aviaries of local birds. (That's what we did today.)   You can also see wolves, deer, and other local animal life.  I've been going there since I was a kid and have always loved it.  We went there on our date.  It was so relaxing.  We bought a few bags of corn to feed the ducks and geese and it was just leisurely.  We also lucked out because the weather was perfect.

Relationship reconnection:  Often, we find ourselves stuck in our busy lives and just coast through the days without finding that deep conversation.  During this date, discuss a topic that is deeper.  This will improve your communication and listening skills.  It is nice to have the deeper conversation while still being in a relaxing place.

Happy dating!

H-O-R-S-E

My husband loves basketball.  I do, too.  I played in my high school days.  Last night, we had a beautiful evening and so I decided it was the perfect time for a date.  I got out the basketball and told him that we were going to play "HORSE" together.  Although most of my shots didn't go in, we still had a great time.  (Not to mention, I made a big fool of myself with the "interesting" shots that I came up with.  But, that's half the fun!)

The best part of this was that we continued to compliment each other throughout the night.  It was really nice to be told how great I was.  :)

If you've got a basketball and a hoop in your driveway, this is a free date.  Otherwise, go to a local gym and play.  We even changed the word from "horse" to "date."  You can be creative with this.  If you're looking for a longer date, I would suggest using the word "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious."

Relationship reconnection:  Each time a person gets a letter, they have to say something that they think the other person is good at.  We played two rounds and then swapped it, saying something that we thought we were good at.  It gives a sense into what the other person sees as their strengths, as well as what they think your are.  That can be useful to know in a relationship.  Also, it just feels darn good to have the one you love say what they think you're good at.

Happy dating!

Write Letters

Please tell me I'm not the only one that thinks of this when I think about letter writing:

(Yes, I know there isn't any mail on Sundays.)

Okay, but in all seriousness, letter writing is a great date!  Not only is it free, but I think it's really special.  When my husband and I first started dating, I would write him letters about once a week.  He didn't get these letters until after we were married, but he loved getting them and reading them.  I'm always excited about receiving a letter and that's why I think this date is perfect!

My husband and I still write notes and letters to each other and I keep every single one of them because it is a reminder to me of how much he loves me.  If you're feeling extra ambitious, you can actually send your letters to each other in the mail.

Relationship reconnection:  Include in your letters a paragraph (or the whole letter) where you write about how much you love and admire your significant other.  Not only does this make them feel extra good about themselves and loved, but it will strengthen that friendship upon which the relationship is built.  Those positive feelings can act as a buffer when tough times hit the marriage.  Your admiration and fondness of your spouse is a powerful thing.

Happy dating!